Dreams In Digital

Color The World

2011-08-18T12:37:00.002-04:00

A sneak peek of Rainbow Brite before completion.

Love Story

2011-08-18T12:28:00.005-04:00

My parents celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary tomorrow. So I put this together for them. I think it turned out well.

Jane

2011-06-22T14:25:00.003-04:00

This is one of Jane's favorite places much to Andy's dismay.

Kaylee

2011-04-25T18:19:00.001-04:00

My poor baby girl has not adjusted well to Jane and Austen's presence.

As We Know It..

2011-02-18T07:47:00.002-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that I am not very good at keeping a consistent blog. :D

November '10

This month was really a blur even though I thought it would never end. It was the countdown till the closing on our house so there was a never-ending trail of papers that needed to be signed and/or faxed for the loan officer. The idea of finally getting out of the terrible apartment situation seemed completely unreal. Things seemed to be getting worse and worse at Overlook Apartments with disrespectful neighbors and the constant bed bug spraying. From the last week of September till like the first week of November, my cats had to be removed from the place every week for an entire day. Thankfully, my parents are awesome and avid cat lovers so they were great with letting them hang out there till it was safe for them to go back home. It could have been pretty costly if we had to place them in a kennel each week.

Other than the crazy pre-house shuffle of packing, we did do some fun stuff. My relatives from Florida came in the week of Thanksgiving which was great so we spent some time with them on the weekend. Thanksgiving day was split between the in-laws, Andy's grandparents, and my parents. Perhaps it was not a good idea to do both houses in one day but I did not learn my lesson.

December '10

The month started off with us closing on the house. (YAY!) However when we were moving our things to the house our friend rear-ended the packed moving track we were driving. Nobody was hurt but Grayson's car was totaled. He had that car for 10 or 12 years. He was very attached. We felt so bad.

It was a very busy month unpacking but we did head to the in-laws and my parents on Christmas Day. On Christmas Eve, Andy and I drove around the rural country community I grew up in and through historic downtown Frederick to look at the lights. We managed to get the house mostly together to throw the annual New Year's Eve party for our friends. That was a blast.

January '11

So now we are caught up to 2011. While the house is mostly put together, I haven't put my pretty objects back up on the walls or shelves yet. The office and bedroom is in dire need of organization but I'm getting to it. The upstairs bathroom is currently not usable because Andy had to rip down the shower wall due to moisture getting in behind the tile. He also took down the lame sliding door system that was too short because he'd hit his head while ducking out of it or the water would spray over the top. The bathroom smelled so bad from mildew that had been growing behind the shower wall. (This is one of those times where I am thankful we are a two full bath house.) It is taking longer than we had anticipated though. I think we may have hit the wall finally where we need a plumber. We bought nice new fixtures to install before we put up the last cement board but new fixtures are more complex, larger even. The original 20 year old fixture installation was smaller and pretty much bare bones. In short, the water pipes need to be moved back to accommodate the new fixtures. Once the fixtures are installed, that last cement board can go up.

A proper entry is to come that doesn't read like a summary. :)

The Waterlily Fairy

2010-05-23T19:53:00.001-04:00

She is complete. Woo!

To Feel

2010-03-17T17:49:00.001-04:00

I am Jill's sigh of relief.
I am Jill's breath of hope.
I am Jill's delicious smile.

Feel

2010-03-15T20:17:00.001-04:00

I am Jack's unbridled anger.
I am Jack's lament of hopelessness.
I am Jack's hatred of mediocrity.

Buttercup Princess

2010-03-10T23:46:00.005-05:00

Another completed project with crappy pictures! :D

Late Night Reflections

2010-02-11T02:28:00.002-05:00

It's 2:30 am and all I hear right now is the roar of the wind outside behind the velvety voice of Imogen Heap drifting out of the speakers. Lately I marvel at how far I've come in my life. I am pleasantly surprised by a lot of things lately. I try not to think of what I've missed because I am moving ever forward. In the darkest corners of my mind rest the old scars and painful memories. However, they are so far away now. They do not ache so much if they cross my mind. It took so long for me to realize how big the world is and how insignificant the rest can be.

The older I get, the less tolerance I have for folks who rub me the wrong way. What I mean to say is, I do not waste my compassion, time, and energy on people who would take advantage of me in any shape or form. I maybe a quiet sort of girl but I am always observing others. I like to watch people period. I connect the dots with everything I observe. I'd like to think I've been touched with a bit of preternatural intuition. That is to say I try not to past judgment hastily. (To say I do not judge people would be a lie because that is one of the most human of flaws.) I can be unkind. I have severed friendships in the past. I severed all ties with my ex-boyfriends promptly after the dissolution of their respective relationships. But it was all done from sound judgment and knowing what was best for me as a person. I used to be a doormat for others once upon a time, always giving the benefit of the doubt and not listening to my instincts. I haven't stopped looking for the good in people though. I'm just much more guarded and calculating till I find that I can open up the trust.

Well Sonic has commandeered my space because clearly I am not paying enough attention to him. I guess that is all for tonight. As soon as I can sneak away from this cat, I'll make up that Black Bean Salad so it can chill all day before dinner. (It's a recipe Mama Jo has. So delish and I do recommend.)

The Geisha

2010-02-06T21:48:00.003-05:00

I finished this piece last year sometime but have yet to wash and frame it. It was my first cross stitch project ever. I thought it turned out well. My plan is to frame it and hang it my living room. Forgive these awful webcam pics but, I didn't feel like running all over the apartment to find the perfect light with the proper camera.

Half Life

2009-10-02T10:04:00.000-04:00

It’s exhausting putting on smiles when all you want to do is curl up in a dark place. I could barely keep it together when we pulled up at the office this morning. I felt the tears brewing behind my eyes and all I wanted to do was sob. I know Andy feels helpless and I try to keep the despair from him. Sometimes I can keep it away from him and suppress the sadness into the furthest corners of my mind. But lately I just cannot push it away. Part of me just wants to sink into the infinite blackness of it and not return so I don’t have to see that look in Andy’s eyes when he feels helpless. Or so I don’t have to hear the raised concern in my brother’s voice, knowing he has shared my grief with my parents and their own inability to really help. I don’t want my pain to be their pain.

This should be a happy time. Autumn is my favorite season. After all it has my favorite Sabbat, Samhain. I should have had time to head to the Renaissance Festival but, due to the craziness that is my horrible job, I will miss out on it again this year. I will also miss out on one of my other favorite seasonal events, Frederick’s “In The Streets” because of my job. I should be lucky I managed to not miss Octoberfest this year of the Frederick Fair. I’m not a “Summer” kind of person, I’m not into a lot of those kind of events so I didn’t care if I worked too much then. I just hate hearing people say “There’s always next year” because “next year” is never guaranteed. Hell, tomorrow is not guaranteed. I’ve experienced too much in the way of sudden deaths this year to take much for granted just to cater to a faceless company that only cares about the bottom line and how much I can be exploited to further the green lining their pockets.

I see it now in my family. I see the years catching up to them, I can fully grasp that they are middle aged. I am nearly the age my mother was when she gave birth to my brother, if that is any kind of perspective for people out there. My baby brother is no longer a baby by any standards, he is turning 20. He’s an adult with a child’s innocence because he simply cannot handle dealing with the outside world. I love my family more than words can express and the people I love are perhaps my greatest weakness because I would suffer the most terrible torment for those I love. Of course that sentiment extends to my own little family that consists of my darling husband too. (I’d probably do anything for my sweet kitty-faces too. Kaylee and Sonic are my little loves no matter how many hairballs I find deposited around my house.)

I see my world changing. I see society breaking down and I wonder if this is what Rome was like as it collapsed. People wielding their religious beliefs like a weapon, slaughtering each other in the name of god and their so called “true” way. People using their religion as a tool to manipulate and dictate to the masses, to steal freedom and close minds to a changing world. Fractured countries impose their corrupt democracy on others where life was already on a knife’s edge. There’s so much banality and little good left in anything. Is there anything left pure? From where I am standing, I say no. I am gifted or cursed to see things from all angles.

I am incredibly melancholy but I guess I will just continue to wear my smile till I can’t anymore.

Joygasm

2009-08-23T17:25:00.002-04:00

I was puttering around online, letting curiosity take me where it may. By a twist of fate, I ended up at the Kennedy Center and Academy of Music websites. Guess what I found?

The Kennedy Center (Washington, DC)
A Streetcar Named Desire
Starring CATE BLANCHETT (gasp!) as Blanche DuBois. I nearly bounced out of my office chair.
Oct. 29, 2009-Nov. 21, 2009

The Academy of Music (Philadelphia, PA)
Chicago
Starring Jerry Springer as Billy Flynn which perplexes and fascinates me all in one motion. I adore Chicago but I don't know about this..
Sept. 15, 2009 - Sept. 20, 2009

Mamma Mia!
So I totally squealed when I read this.
Nov. 3, 2009 - Nov. 8, 2009

Wicked
I made the "Oh" face when I read this one.
Jan 6, 2010 - Jan. 24, 2010

I must go to at least 2 of these shows so I shall feel complete.

Sensory Overload

2009-07-21T17:26:00.002-04:00

I'm not doing well. (Which is probably no surprise to some who read this.) I'm trying my best to find a job somewhere else, I've already sent out a few applications and resumes. Today is not a good day for me in regards to how I feel though. I am detached and melancholy. There's just too much for me to handle mentally right now. Do you know how hard it is for me to drag myself out of bed everyday, knowing I have to go into the office? I'm ashamed that all I want to do is disappear and not wake up again. It is so selfish and cruel of me. I know there would be those grieved at my loss. All the time I'm spending on trying to find a job seems like it is all in vain and that I will never get away from this current employment situation.

I used to like my job. I was nearly considering being here for the long haul till I didn't need to work at all anymore. I was working so hard with the Data Integrity group on expanding the scope of our jobs while keeping it relevant to data and storage. Yet now upper management is forcing us to answer the phone for Tier One Operations and open their bloody trouble tickets. I have never elicited a desire to answer phones most of the day for a living and be utterly used by 'the-powers-that-be'. What if I told you I worked a 15 hr. shift recently? What if I told you a worked a pair of 12 hr. shifts over the weekend? This is all fallout of ignorant management that did not listen to its staff who work the floor everyday. These are the fruits of keeping a full time associate who is not flexible and has zero consideration for what it means to be apart of a team. Again, management is giving us lip service and spouting their nonsensical ideas to remedy the situation. They expect us to be able to have the Print and Distribution team's part time staff fill in whe nwe need it. The failing in this plot is the fact that their director whom I will affectionately call the 'The Hag' will not spare them but a day or so a week. Clearly, more training time is necessary so that the information stays with them. Of course that does not address real issue which is will they remember how to do it when time comes for them to fill in on a shift alone in the future? What the T1 Director hasn't taken into consideration is the fact that the P&D team's part timers are not flexible either as most of them already work a full time job or can only work so many hours for various reasons. In the end, this will not work which is why I am trying to get out of here before the major catastrophe happens. All events are leading to something unpleasant and I do not want to be the one left to pick up the pieces. Again.

To add fecal frosting to my manure cupcake, my grandmother had heart surgery the day I was stuck working a 15 hr. shift and I've been working everyday since then, swapping between 8 hr. and 12 hr. shifts. Dad spoke to her and my Aunt Sylvia yesterday. He related to me that she is not doing very well with recovery because of being 79 years old. She's over an hour and a half away in a hospital and we do not know when she will come home. When she does come home, plans will be put into motion that will lead to her eventual permanent relocation to Florida with my Aunt Sylvia. I'm not sure how I feel about this completely. On one hand, I am glad she will have someone with her most of the time but would that mean we would see even less of Sylvia now?

I don't think the clouds will go away, they're just getting darker and thicker. Perhaps I am just a fool in the end; a fool the dared to dream of something better and a life where troubles could be solved.

Dead

2009-07-17T08:08:00.002-04:00

I have nothing left to give. My heart is crushed and I've stopped caring period. When I get up everyday I work, I cry. When I lie down at night, I cry. When I come home and crawl into bed, I cry. I hate my job more then a person should but it is justified. I'm working all kinds of crazy hours now which means no real sleep. And no days off till the end of next week. Naturally my boss is useless on all fronts. They ask too much of me and they see bothing wrong with that. I'm definitely feeling it physically.

I want to quit so badly but I bear the burden of our bills. Finding a new job, is proving to be very hard too. I'm stretched too thin and snapping like a worn rubber band. It taints every aspect of my life because I know there's no resolution in sight. I will always be expected to drop what I'm doing and fill in wherever, even if it's a +12 hr. shift. I am stuck at this nightmare indefinitely because we cannot afford a period without a paycheck.

I'm bitter, angry, and deeply depressed. I know I'm shutting down and growing despondant however, the sad part is that I really don't care. I see no light at the end of the tunnel; it's too far away. Too far for me to travel...

I think I finally understand how people simply die from tremendous sadness or grief.

Untitled

2009-07-17T05:08:00.001-04:00

"Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call. "
-Sylvia Plath

Why People Suck

2009-07-08T20:34:00.002-04:00

I don't know why I bother looking at the news anymore. My faith in humanity is rapidly diminishing. If it isn't riots in distant countries, it's some sick individual committing some heinous act. Read this if you have the constitution.

I am an animal rights activist; a reasonable one that isn't a scary PETA member. To me, that man's moral compass and rationale indicate an individual that has some serious latent mental issues. It isn't that I care for animals more then people but animals do not have a voice to cry out. They are the weaker species on this planet in most regards. We're supposed to be the intelligent mammal on planet earth and yet most regard wildlife as a nuisance in the way of modern progression or expendable commodity. As the more intelligent lifeform, it should be our duty to be their defender and voice when they need it.

This scumbag got off light which makes me angry. If it had been children, the charges would have been murder so I guess we should be glad he didn't have children preventing him from going on his little cruise. I could not forgive somebody who thinks so little about the life of others, no matter how small they are.

Nightmares FTL..

2009-07-04T09:00:00.004-04:00

I dreamt Andy and I were in an open relationdhip last night. "Open" meaning that he found it acceptable to be with other people while I was utterly opposed to it. I saw him kiss another a girl in my dream; kiss her and hold her like when he is with me. I physically turned my head in the dream to not see anymore because it felt like somebody had just crushed my heart in their fist. I thought I was going to be sick.

I woke up on the brink of tears this morning, my insecurities rearing their ugly head. My poor husband being stuck with me and my psychosis. I was pretty much late for work this morning because I laid cuddled up with him, trying to wipe away the soul-crushing dream that had infected my brain.

So I must reiterate NIGHTMARES FOR THE LOSE!

Ennui

2009-06-23T08:57:00.002-04:00

So the saga of my crapfest job continues. I've already worked myself into an awesome migraine and it is only 9 :00 AM. I'm having a very hard time picturing myself staying here in the long term. I thought if I'd let my anger cool off, I'd feel better about the situation at my job. The first bit of crazy scheduling goes into play in a couple of weeks where it looks like I may have to work some 12 hr. shifts that start at 3 am till 3:30 pm. I don't give a crap about overtime; I really don't. I refuse to be doing this every single time somebody goes on vacation. I will not suffer for their mistakes. My normal schedule is already hell on my body with my Monday-Tuesday turnaround every week. I think sometimes I will only be at peace when I am dead and this whole environment is giving me a fast track to premature oblivion.

At home, I'm in a constant struggle with chores and free time. It's all just piling up on me because I am utterly fried from my day spent at the office. I can't do this alone. I'm so scared because I am on a knife's edge and I feel myself beginning to slip. I do not want to even go home at times. It's a testament to my failures, frustrations and weaknesses. I'm so fucking broken and there's no way to piece me back together right now. All of my sanctuaries are disappearing and there's no place to find serenity. I do not have all the answers; I cannot fix this. The answer is not plying me with drugs till I'm numb enough to be a good little doormat, that's for damn sure. This is not what I wanted for my life. I did not want to live each day, hating to get up because I'm not doing something I enjoy. Was this another mistake to add to the long list I've made over the years?

Tick Tick Tick

2009-06-06T11:35:00.002-04:00

I just found that my 17 year old cousin in Tampa, Florida passed away suddenly in a car crash on Thursday morning. My beloved Aunt Sylvia called me this morning to break the awful news. She sounded so terrible; I could feel the pain in her words. Grandmas aren't supposed to be losing their grandchildren. His mom, dad, and sister are devastated as well. The whole family is.

He was a good kid with a serious passion for music. He was well liked by everybody.

R.I.P Travis K. Martin

I don't want to really talk about the details; it doesn't seem real. Here you will find a news article about it.

The Crash & Burn

2009-06-04T20:20:00.003-04:00

So Pat and I's plan to save our last part time associate was in vain. I had a meeting with our absolutely worthless Director so he could "explain" why it wasn't allowed. He says because of the "budget". Well, I know how the budgets work and how positions are paid for. He didn't tell me anything that I didn't know. In fact, he danced completely around a specific reason why. I'm not stupid. I am observant of people and can tell when they're hiding something. Especially after my boss and I talked about it afterwards. What he stated did not make sense since there is a policy in the company where you can adjust your schedule to 32 hrs. a week.

I have never been so infuriated. I have never had to force myself physically to sit down. I was dangerously close to leaping out of my chair and letting him have it for being the out of touch, incompetent piece of crap that he is. He doesn't know how to do anybody's jobs in that building. He doesn't know how all these divisions work to keep the systems going. He knows the pretty, textbook definition but he doesn't know the roots. Not that he has been in the office very much over the last couple of months! And don't insult me by giving us a couple of Print & Distribution's part time staff because you cannot learn how our environment works in a month. The staff in those departments have ZERO technical expertise and do not know anything beyond the basics. Media Services is not just about tapes anymore. We've expanded into database and storage engineering. It would take them 6 months at least to understand how it all comes together. I know some of those people down there and have no confidence in their ability to work in their own department!!

I am positively manic, furious, and deeply depressed. I'm not sure if I should laugh at the absurdity of it, drive my fist into a wall, or kill myself. Why have I been working so hard for these corporate scum? Why have I been sacrificing my own sanity? Nobody is even noticing. Nobody is acknowledging. Those salaried bottom-feeders do not see outside of their offices and blackberries. They are never on the floor with their associates. They are never there. So I didn't feel exactly sorry when I told him that if this doesn't work out, causing grief in my household then I will have to seek employment elsewhere.

Pat will most likely leave now. She has a meeting with the smarmy bastard on Monday and will find out. Pat does not have my restraint. Pat has nothing to lose. Pat is going to go ballistic. I hope she does.

In closing, don't work for Marriott International. They are just as crooked as every other other company out there. Do not believe for a second all the PR about being a friendly place. It's just as susceptible to nepotism and stupidity like everywhere else. There are some good people who work for them but the people in charge suck.

I cannot handle a crazy schedule or rotating schedules. I will not give up my entire weekend. I want to see my husband, friends, and family. Just because I'm not some breeder doesn't mean my personal life isn't important.

I think I see a change in my productivity coming.

EDIT: (Friday, 6/5/09) Pat called today for me to do her payroll. I wasn't going to let her get blindsided on Monday when she has her meeting so I told her. Naturally, she hit the roof and I've never heard that much yelling on the phone before. I made her promise to call me on Monday afterward.

Another day, another piece dies..

2009-05-18T13:54:00.002-04:00

Another bad day. Another day at the job that is sucking away what little sanity and peace I have left. It's getting harder and harder to push away the perpetual despair and grim thought processes. I'm on the edge.

There's been a couple of layoffs at my job and the schedule is in a state of flux after June 26. It's only going to get more stressful without proper support. I think this move was a mistake and may have screwed my department in the future.

I can't leave my job stress at my job because everything is so uncertain.

The Gamer's Lament

2009-05-08T12:38:00.004-04:00

"Why Fanboys and Fangirls Need To Get More Sun"

I generally don't make long winded posts about games. However, Shaun has been bombarding me with his discontent over the lack of downloadable content for Fallout 3 on the PS3. (Please note, that I also have it for my Ps3.) He makes the mistake of searching message boards for accurate information. These forums of mouth-breathers tend to be nothing more then Sony and Microsoft fanboys/fangirls arguing. A legit opinion suddenly gets twisted into a "Sony sucks, so you should have got a 360 hur hur hur" discussion. I know, such an intelligent observation.

Honestly it is bothersome that this content is only available on the PC and 360 platforms. But I knew that from the beginning. I am unhappy with what Bethesda did however Microsoft showed them the money, you know? (Mind you, I find it worse that they can offer millions of dollars to video game developers but then layoff a couple thousand staff? Then try to take their severance packages because it's too much money? I have no kindness for Microsoft.) It does set another terrible example of where these rival companies can toss around enough money to screw over their consumers. It's a not so gentle way of saying "Hey! Buy a 360 so you can play this awesome content that is EXCLUSIVE!" and that is what Microsoft wants you to do. It's not just about the customer who already has the core game. It's always been about the all mighty dollar when it comes to the companies. I made the decision to not purchase an Xbox 360 because of the game selection. I have always had Sony products and unlike other people I've read about, I have never had a problem. Also, the games I do enjoy were offered on my platform of choice.

For my own posterity, I decided to take a look at a list of the decent games 360 has to offer as a potential buyer. So let's see what some of my options are:

1. Halo 3 - DO NOT WANT!
2. Gears of War 2 - DO NOT WANT!
3. Call of Duty: World At War - DO NOT WANT!
4. Far Cry 2 - DO NOT WANT!
5. Resident Evil 5 - PS3 Version
6. Dead Space - PS3 Version
7. Fallout 3 - PS3 Version
8. Fable 2 - Maybe
9. Left 4 Dead - Maybe
10. Devil May Cry 4 - Ps3 Version

And no matter how appealing Fable 2 is to me, I'd never plunk down hundreds of dollars on a system for a few titles of interest. If the game is available already on another platform that I own, I am going to go with what is economically sound to my enjoyment. It does suck that video game developers and companies can toy with their customer base in such a way when it comes to exclusive titles and content but that is business for them. They want their fanboys and fangirls to go on the attack and argue their point. It's the best PR and advertising they can receive, especially since it is free.

Switching gears, Microsoft's exclusive agreement is only for the first 3 content packs which means "Broken Steel" will be the last they get first dibs on. This agreement also expired three days ago. There is a rumored 4th content patch called "Point Lookout" however that would not be bound by an exclusive agreement as it stands now. Who knows? It is all speculation as the official word from the honcho of Bethesda is that there will be no more downloadable content for Fallout 3.

Now time for an aspirin because reading that many typos and grammatical errors can be taxing. I swear, just because you are on the internet doesn't mean you get to be lazy. The gamers on some of those forums are just as bad as teens on myspace.

Extraordinary

2009-04-14T10:34:00.002-04:00

As a general rule of thumb, I stay away from most forms reality tv in the US and overseas. But yesterday, I kept coming across this story from "Britain's Got Talent" about a forty seven year old spinster with an incredible voice that surprised everybody. Curiosity got the better of me so I went to YouTube to see what the fuss was all about. (I tried to embed it but it looks like everybody whom posted the footage had it disabled by request. Naughty BBC.) Her name is Susan Boyle and she sings "I Dreamed A Dream" from Les Miserables.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk

Speechless, seriously. Such a big, bold voice coming out of this matronly lady. I could feel the tears welling up as I listened to her sing. Why oh why hasn't this woman been in theatre? Why hasn't she tried acting lessons to help out too? That is a voice made for opera and dramatic musicals. I was so happy for her.

I Stand Alone

2009-03-31T09:42:00.002-04:00

I'm exhausted. My nerves are stretched thin because of my job. The layoffs have begun and from what my sources say, it is very sudden when you find out. Boss Lady is nervous but she and I have come to the understanding that out department needs to stay under the radar so nobody gets any funny ideas about cutting us. There's only so much of a workload we can take because we lack the technical know-how for very complicated processes. To be fair, it isn't very kind to be taking work from other departments when they are probably trying to keep their own jobs from being slashed. I know my self preservation should come first but it bothers me to know that some of the good people I work with in this building could lose their jobs. I know a couple of people in my department are apathetic to the prospect of being laid off and that doesn't help me at all in this matter.

I think I've come to the end of my rope though. I can do no more. There will be some cross training with 2 other groups that I was volunteered for this month. I am not pleased about it because it isn't very relevent to what we do and I dislike most of the staff in these groups. This training smacks of "DESPERATION" and it's embarrassing. I'd sooner quit or take my walking papers rather then ever work in one of those groups.

Rabbit Food FTW!

2009-03-19T08:33:00.004-04:00

So last weekend I took a gamble on a salad recipe I saw over at Cheap Healthy Good. I'll admit that growing up and until recently, I hated big leafy greens. I distinctly remembered feeding it to pet rabbits and the general scent of dirt it had. However, I am now in love with the tasty goodness of spinach, kale, and chard. (I will find a recipe soon that uses dandelion greens since I'm curious.) While this salad may seem kind of odd, it is yummy. It allowed me the chance to play with root veggies I've never tried before.

Kale and Root Veggie Salad

1 large bunch curly green kale (about 5 cups), chopped
2 teaspoons olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 carrot, grated
1 parsnip, grated
1 medium celeriac, grated
1/2 sweet red pepper, sliced
4 scallions

Dress to taste

1) Wash and remove stems from kale. Chop into ribbons.

2) In a large bowl, combine kale with oil and salt. Massage with your hands for 2 to 3 minutes. Allow kale to rest while you prepare the rest of the salad or up to 20 minutes.

3) Grate carrot, parsnip, and celeriac. Slice red pepper and scallions.

4) Toss topping vegetables with kale.

This salad also keeps very well in the fridge. I tended to eyeball the amount of veggies once everything was sliced or grated. The most expensive thing to purchase is the celeriac (celery root) which goes around $3.99 a lb. at the grocery store Andy and I use. (It was actually only $3.39 since it was under a lb.) I'm going to be making this salad again in the next few days since I have plenty of celery root leftover, a parsnip, a few scallions and sweet peppers. So buying the Kale bunch for less then a buck was no stretch. We always have carrots since I munch them as snacks. Though I do recommend this salad with an oil based dressing. It's not bad with a creamy one but I enjoyed it better with the latter.

The Slamming Of Doors

2009-03-17T08:26:00.003-04:00

Last Friday was Amy's graveside service and burial. I think the entire maternal side of the family went through many shades of grief. My Aunt Terri seemed to be in bitter denial all week till the day of the funeral where she was completely inconsolable. It was the first time that I really saw my, grandmother, Mom and aunts rally like that. But before I stray from my narrative, the guilt of how Terri treated Amy the majority of her life finally settled in. To put it bluntly, my Uncle Mike and Aunt Terri are not typically nice and can be obnoxious. They also treated their children with disrespect and cruelty. Amy got the brunt of the physical and verbal abuse. I would not be so inclined to respect my elders either if all they did was scream and demean my very existence so naturally there was tension. However in the last several years, Amy had taken on most of the household chorse and duties since Terri's health has declined greatly. Mind you, my aunt's slippery slope of diabetes was self inflicted as she ignored all her doctor's orders for DECADES. You see, Terri was a juvenile diabetic and simply disregarded everything she was told. Now she is wheelchair bound, lost sight in one of her eyes and receives dialysis 3 days a week. My aunt needs help constantly with the simplest of things like getting something to eat or getting to the bathroom since it is not handicap accessible. Amy did all of this.

They berated Amy for not having a job but how could she when she was expected to look after her Mom? How was she supposed to keep a job when they only had one vehicle for the entire family and lived outside the city? When they moved outside the city, that's when her life really took a nose dive. She developed an addiction to prescription painkillers a couple of years after the birth of her son. I think she just kept herself lucid so she couldn't feel the anguish of her life anymore and to keep sane in light of the abuse Mike still rained down on her, even as a young adult. Someone may ask "why didn't she just leave?" Because she couldn't afford to with being a single Mom and welfare is pretty picky when it comes to helping people in bad situations. She eventually did lose custody of Brandon a year ago. That's when it all came to a head I believe. She never had an easy life and there was lots of dysfunctionality involved. Her father, Mike is a conniving, compulsive liar and opportunist with sticky fingers. They have also always been very poor. It's just been worse since Terri couldn't work any longer and her disability wasn't quite as much as what she made having a job. If it wasn't for Section 8, they probably would be homeless as well. It just seemed like no matter what choice Amy would make, a door was slammed in her face. It wasn't fair.

Now she is gone, resting in a plot with my late maternal grandfather who died years before I was born. All the dreams of having a better life on her own and hopes of reuniting with her son, are lost. Instead of being curled up in her bed, she is laid beneath the earth in a small box on a hillside in Thurmont. According to Terri, the autopsy is in pending status right now. But based on superficial examination of her skull, they found something on the back of her head and they think it may have been an aneurysm. But they are waiting on the results of tissue and blood samples taken. I hope there was no foul play involved but there were whispers that her fiance was unstable. There were also murmurings that her father struck her hard enough in the back of the head a couple of weeks ago, that it left a knot.

I don't like to talk about fate because while I do believe we're gifted with a great destiny, the course our lives also take shape accordingly. There's a balancing act between the control you have of your life and the lack of it when life occurs. It's our choice whether we accept a destiny or make another. I think she wanted to break the cycle but was never given the chance to. Now her BFF and cousin of the same age, is continuing a self destructive cycle. Nicole is married to a physically abusive alcoholic. I wonder how long it will be till she ends up in the hospital or worse? Nicole has never listened to anybody but I hope she does soon.

An Ordinary Day

2009-03-08T13:35:00.003-04:00

It was an ordinary day. I woke up late in the morning, happily wrapped in the blankets since Andy is an early riser. There were no unpleasant coughing fits so it was a delightful bit of sleep. The cold/flu I had caught during the week was making life pretty difficult as I neared the weekend. After stumbling to the bathroom for the morning routine, I went out to greet my disgustingly perky husband in the dining room who was hotly debating something nerdy on slash.dot. I made way into the kitchen, grumbling to myself the entire time as I remembered I have not gone grocery shopping yet which meant breakfast was going to be pretty limited. I stared warily into my fridge and searched like the cure for cancer was in there. Lucky for me, there was still one english muffin and enough cream cheese. Score!

As I placed the nook and cranny filled breads into the toaster, my phone started to ring. Nobody I knew called before noon unless it was important so I answered my cell.

"Hey Dad!"

"Denise, I have some terrible news. It's very shocking. Someone died this morning."

Dad's voice wasn't shaking and the despair wasn't dripping off of every word. So I knew it wasn't Mamaw, my recently widowed grandma I.E. his Mom. My mind was swept into a macabre investigation as I went over all the names in my mind of elderly and older relatives. My father was clearly shocked and dumbfounded by the revelation. So I let him continue.

"Ivy called several times early this morning while we were in bed. When your mother got up she called her back and one of the twins told her. You won't believe it."

"It's not Nanny, is it?" I heard myself say, thinking of my other grandmother.

"No."

"Oh my god, Aunt Terri?" I spat out as I felt my heart rate accelerate.

As you have no doubt noticed, I haven't let my Dad tell me directly. The last time he did, it was my grandfather. It was hard for me to hear words like that come tumbling out of another person's mouth. I have found that if I put the pieces together myself, it was easier for me to accept and understand since my mind was prepped even in the slightest.

"No, but that's very close." He spoke slowly and I knew he was trying to gauge my reaction before proceeding.

"Uncle Mike?"

"No. Denise, this was very unexpected-"

I bit my lip and I jumped as the toaster ejected my crisp english muffins, utterly engrossed in the conversation. "Was it Aunt Brenda?"

"No, you were closer before-"

"Amy?" I uttered the name of my twenty-five year old cousin who lived at home with my Aunt Terri, Uncle Mike, and brother Joey. I felt my chest tighten as the seconds of silence stretched into eons.

"Yes. She's still out at the house, they haven't picked her up yet." Dad confirmed my creeping fear, his voice deep and sober.

"What happened?"

"They are thinking that it was an accidental overdose. She complained of feeling sick the day before and took a fair amount of some prescription drug before going to bed. They'll do an autopsy but nobody will know a thing for a few weeks."

"Who found her?"

"Mike went in to wake her up in the morning and saw that her lips were turning blue. He called the ambulance but, it was too late."

"How is Terri taking it?"

"She doesn't know yet...."

"What?! Why?"

"She's in the hospital, recovering from cataract removal. Mike hasn't told her yet."

"Oh god......"

"Nanny is devastated. Joey and Mike are as well."

"Wait, Dad! Where's her little boy? Where's Brandon?!"

"His great-grandmother dropped him off there at the house today. Mike is trying to get ahold of her to pick him up since technically she has custody of him."

"Do you think it was an accident, Dad?"

"I don't think she'd kill herself. We just saw her 1 week ago and she seemed in good spirits. I don't think I can go to the funeral......."

Every other word he said after that held no meaning as my mind reeled. It was as if I had become stuck in a pocket of space where time no longer mattered. Amy, Nicole, and I were in the same age group growing up. But when we became teenagers, we drifted apart because we all chose distinctly different paths in life. A series of events shaped us each in our own ways, for better and in their cases, for worse. I didn't judge them for the life they chose but I certainly didn't like what they had become. But now there's a little boy who will grow up without his Mom. She may not have been a very good one at times but, that's the only Mom he knew. Being only 4, he'll never remember her.

At some point, I told my Dad I loved him and that I had to go. I numbly spread cream cheese over my english muffins and joined my husband in the dining room. I dropped my cell phone with a nerve-wracking clatter on the glass surface and looked at Andy. He met my gaze and all I could hear was the sound of my own heart beating.

"Amy died this morning. Her father found her. She left behind a little boy."

It was an ordinary day.

Oddities I.

2008-11-10T04:18:00.003-05:00

How is something like this possible? I wasn't thinking about such things as an 8 year old. I know I got mad at my parents sometimes when you know, they were being parents. But it never crossed my mind to harm them.

One Giant Leap Forward.. Three Steps Back..

2008-11-07T12:23:00.004-05:00

Despite the historic election of President Obama, three states have plunged their homosexual citizens into anger and despair. I am appalled, surprised and utterly disappointed with people in this regard. Apparently there are still too many ignorant folks who hate equality. The attitude is completely anachronistic and very lazy. Let me explain because my awesome husband brought up very good points. This is not going to be a christian bashing post I swear but I am going to point out the more banal aspects that people sugar coat or plain out ignore.

It all boils down to parents who have begun indoctrinating their children in what they want them to believe. And if homosexuality is a sin in their beliefs, they will expect their children to follow in suit. We're talking about families that center their entire lifestyle around their religious text of choice. What blows their minds is when the world around them doesn't align with their belief system. So now they are forced to confront the validity of their beliefs living in a modern world. While a more tolerant and unified existence is better, they'd sacrifice it for their little slice of self righteous opinion and dense pride. They are scared, so damn scared of progression and evolution. A simple history lesson would show you that civilizations are born and then they fall. Societies are born and they adapt to the world in motion as time ticks by. Since when did change become so evil? You'd have to pry the commandents from the cold dead hands of a conservative before they'd accept the world has changed in the last few thousand years. Everything changes in time, period. Even those tried and true tenets heavily religious people stick too. If there weren't a few progressive thinkers out there, we'd still be burning people at the stake and thinking the world was flat.

So I ask in country where there is supposed to be a dividing line between church and state. who has the right to dictate whom you can and cannot marry? Nobody. It is most certainly not in any goverments place to say that you can't marry somebody just because of who you both are! Religious people are entitled to their opinions and I'm not saying they should give a fruit basket to every gay person they meet, but practice a bit more tolerance. You never know, one day you might find yourself fighting for equality and being the wrongfully hated.

Just The Beginning..

2008-11-05T08:55:00.002-05:00

Last night, Barack Obama became the first ever african american elected as President of the United States. History has been made and I'm very glad I was apart of that. Even though I began as a Hillary Clinton supporter, I ended up a Barack Obama supporter. And for the first time in these many years, I feel hope. We've got a long road ahead since the last 8 years under Bubba Dubya so I hope the rest of the world rejoices with us and bears with us as we pick up the pieces of our once great nation.

One More Time..

2008-11-04T09:07:00.004-05:00

Today is the day that will either define change for the next 4 years or continue the downward spiral into social and economic collapse. Californians, this is for you.
NO ON PROP 8!

My last hurrah for endorsement.

Lastly and most importantly, get out and VOTE. Lines may be long but suck it up! As a young woman, it's important for me to vote because my parent's world will be given to me and I'm ready for change. So take a snack, book, blog, text, etc. I don't care what you do, as long as you vote today.

Too Much..

2008-11-03T17:25:00.004-05:00

Today Spike was euthanized after a week of suffering from heart failure. Spike was Pap's dog. It was very hard for Mamaw but she couldn't bear to see him suffer anymore. She took him to the Vet to day with the help of a lovely individual who volunteered to come over and lift him into the car for her. In a nutshell, the Vet said sometime last week his heart started to fail. It wasn't disease or anything; his heart simply was worn out and weakening. Poor Spike had trouble moving. Mamaw said he'd collapsed completely on several occasions. He had other symptoms too. The Vet said even if she put him on meds for hsi heart, it wouldn't stop the inevitable. Spike would have just became inert and lost all mobility. He would have had to be hand-fed and placed on disposable pads since he couldn't move to go to the bathroom anymore. I'm glad Mamaw made the decision to prevent him from becoming that much worse. He suffered enough.

Rest in Peace, Spike.
Slime Pap with puppy love.

1996-2008

Lipstick Wearing Pit Bulls...

2008-10-30T12:40:00.002-04:00

One of my co-workers in the building dressed up like Sarah Palin today. We'll call her "Lou". Lou has always had that accent. I think she is from Alaska maybe? When she came in with her documents today, she winked and pointed saying, "Right back 'atcha Joe!" I nearly died. Lou did say her daughter offered to be Bristol and carry around a baby in a slung. Lou sweetly declined.

In Which We Are Unimpressed Yet Hopeful..

2008-10-14T10:48:00.002-04:00

While my sole purpose for the holiday move season was crushed a few months ago when Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was bunted till next summer, I've found a few options to keep things interesting till the end of the year. This is by no means a guide to viewing as my tastes are quirky and uninhibited. I'm going go to also introduce what I'd like to call the SQUEE! Factor rates from 1-5. Factor 1 being midly amusing and Factor 5 being cosmically sublime. Without further ado, here are the lucky flicks I shall give my money to:

10/31/2008 Releases

Zack and Miri Make A Porno
It feels like it has been too long without a raunchy, witty and compelling Kevin Smith movie. I was following the whole movie-making process pretty closely on Kevin's website and listening to his podcast with Scott Mosier, aptly titled Smodcast. That was actually half the fun really. If you like vulgar conversatiion with jewels of knowledge tossed at you here and there, I recommend giving it a listen. I tend to listen to Smodcast when I'm doing the dishes or something trivial that I dislike so I'm at least in a good mood. Back on topic, the movie is a romantic comedy that also makes fun of porn. Mostly how absurd the people look with their exaggerated sexual motions and mannerisms.

SQUEE! Factor: 4

Changeling
Firstly, Clint Eastwood is directing this drama and Angelina Jolie is lead actress. Allow me a moment to swoon and gush unabashedly about Angelina Jolie. She's beautiful, smart, and has saintly qualities. Yeah, I acknowledge she was a wild child actress and did some crapfest flicks. (Every actor has done their share of crap movies.) But she isn't perfect and lived her life the way she wanted it. Anywho, the movie is based on events from an infamous case from 1928 called The Wineville Chicken Murders. It's a drama that not only shows the corruption of the LAPD but a society's view of an independent woman. It seems interesting to me.

SQUEE! Factor: 4

11/21/2008 Releases

Twilight
Based on my latest guilty pleasure of choice and book of the same name. What can I say, vampires and romance make me daydream like a schoolgirl. But I'm not enough a fangirl to condemn the movie though. People still just don't get that movie adaptations of books are never quite accurate.

SQUEE! Factor: 5!!

12/12/2008 Releases

The Day The Earth Stood Still
So another remake of a beloved Sci-Fi classic. I did enjoy the remake of War of the Worlds even if it did have crazy cracker Tom Cruise. It felt darker and more realistic. (Seriously if an intergalactic foe attacked the earth, we'd have no kind of technology to efficiently defend ourselves.) Keanu Reeves is apparently playing Klaatu in this updated version. The trailer intrigued me too so we shall see.

SQUEE! Factor: 3

12/25/2008

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
The movie adaptation of the short story I posted about last month is finally seeing the light of day in a wide release. I can't wait to see it.

SQUEE! Factor: 4

Just Say NO...

2008-10-10T11:10:00.005-04:00

Usually I keep my political and moral beliefs underwraps because I'm a firm believer of not broadcasting your beliefs to the masses on a large scale. However, it seems like our country is on the verge of something great or something terrible. But we keep having these bumps in the road to human understanding and social transcendence.

I'm not a California a citizen but if I was, I'd vote NO on Prop 8. And if you're a progressive, open minded human being, you would to. The government should not have the right to tell you who you can and cannot marry. Everytime I hear the utter nonsense of "a marriage is between a man and a woman" I want to scream. Should I point out the divorce statistics? I know more heterosexual couples who shouldn't be in a relationship, let alone a marriage. Perhaps it harkens back to antiquated religious beliefs that are all about procreating to raise many loyal ~~children~~ followers. Whatever it was, it's for the wrong reasons. How can it be wrong for 2 people who love each other to marry and/or adopt children? (I personally know quite a few heterosexual men and women who shouldn't have children either.) Why can't same sex couples enjoy a happily ever after like everybody else? They can marry, have children and lead wonderful lives.

I still don't understand how people can be so blind and cruel.

The Healthy Ghetto Gourmet I.

2008-10-08T09:43:00.002-04:00

Andy and I have been trying a plethora of healthy and cheap recipes. Well I suppose 'cheap' is relative if you don't have a well stocked spice rack but I digress. Everything we've tried is tasty so I'll offer the latest dish. Sorry, I've got no awesome pictures. But believe me, it looks amazing when it is done. It was borrowed from Cheap Healthy Good.

Vegetarian Shepherd’s Pie
Makes 6 servings

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, divided
1 large yellow onion, roughly chopped
4 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon curry powder
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 small red or green bell peppers, chopped
3 cups cubed eggplant, with peel
1 (15 ounce) can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup water
1 1/4 pounds small red potatoes, halved
1/2 cup fat-free half and half (or skim milk)
1 cup frozen or fresh peas
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 pinch Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

1) Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a large skillet over medium heat, heat 1 Tb. oil; add onions, garlic, curry and cumin. Saute until onions are soft, about 5 minutes. Remove to a bowl.

2) Heat remaining oil in skillet; add peppers, eggplant, tomatoes and 1/2 cup water. Saute until soft, about 20 minutes. It's a good idea to let a lot of the extra moisture evaporate. Stir in onions. Place in a shallow 8-by-8- inch baking dish.

3) In a saucepan, boil potatoes until done. Drain and smash. Stir in half and half, peas, salt and pepper. Spread over vegetables and top with Parmesan.

4) Bake 15 minutes. Brown in broiler. Serve.

You won't need to fix any sides because this meal is quite filling. We did make a couple of adjustments though. Instead of half and half or skim milk, we just used regular old 1% milk. And we had a small jar of mushrooms leftover from the homemade birthday pizzas for my brother so we threw those in too. Somehow this dish also made more then what an 8 x 8 dish could hold. Perhaps it is because the produce wasn't as small? Nonetheless, it has made enough where I could take some to work and Andy could have a serving for lunch today. And if my memory serves, there will still be at least one plate's worth left after that. I do believe the entire dish cost $15-16 to make.

Trains & Shadows

2008-10-01T10:03:00.007-04:00

Nightmares always have a way of occurring for me. I'm not entirely sure what brings them on because movies and books tend not to do it. Sometimes I think they are the spawn of my stressed and fractured mind. Sometimes I believe they are something else entirely but I'm not going to get into that because I know what's good for me. This is not the place to start my diatribes on prophecy, premonition, and precognition. Perhaps my mind is always lost somewhere beyond the grasp of human science and modern human monotheism. And I think I prefer it that way.

xXx

I was waiting at a train station. It wasn’t just any ordinary station; it seemed like it had once been ultra modern but fell into utter disrepair. The walls were dingy white and everything appeared like it had once been stainless steel. I was surrounded by people who were waiting and everybody looked like refugees, carrying what they could with them. They all seemed agitated by the fact that dusk was beginning to settle and I myself felt my own anxiety rising at this prospect. As dreams tend to do though, I suddenly was on the train. I was at my compartment but to my horror, I found that top of the compartments were clear plexi-glass windows and I could clearly see the darkening skies. Unable to still my nervousness, I shut the door and walked aimlessly from car to car till I stumbled into this luxurious car. It was very posh and antiquated as a woman sat behind an ornate oak desk, drinking brandy. She had cherry red hair and was dressed like she fell out of the 1940s albeit in absurd Technicolor. She offered me a glass of liquor and politely turned her down as I noticed that there were many different kinds of bottles of liquor lining the tables and shelves of the room. All in glass bottles of many different shapes, sizes, and colors. For all I knew, none of it could have actually been fine liquor. That was what I assumed. For the first time in this dream, I suddenly wondered where we were going and lack of a destination bothered me. My searching eyes found an older man sitting in one of the elegant chairs and he was very sober in comparison to his lady friend. He just sat somberly in his chair and so I moved up to him. I asked him when we would arrive, as if I already knew the destination. (In reality, I didn’t know but perhaps my phantom self did know.) He looked at me and stood up, gently taking me by the arm and moving us farther away from Cherry. He told me quietly that we’d never arrive at our destination. Instantly alarmed, I demanded to know why and he said it was because we did not have enough fuel to get that far. The horrible realization settled in that they had intended to make a stand here with the train once it came to a halt and die in this train when their supplies ran out because they couldn’t live in a world where the darkness meant death or worse. At that moment, the man must have realized that night had fallen and we could hear something above us on the top of the train car. I finally noticed that there were no windows in this car whatsoever and the door was actually reinforced steel which led me to wonder if that is what was also behind the opulent paneling of the car. I grabbed his arm, feeling the fear course through my body as I too stared up at the ceiling. Cherry began to utter some drunken nonsense loudly and he curtly scolded her into silence as we waited for the noise to stop. I knew I would not stay here and I closed my eyes.

When I opened them, I was in a modest little house in what seemed like the southwest because I could see sunlight out of a window above a rocky, reddish landscape. There were people around me that I recognized yet there were others I didn’t know. But the placement of the sun in the sky told me that nightfall was coming. I moved curiously through the crowded rooms and a lot of people talked about the night. It seemed everybody was scared of it for different reasons. Somebody said a monster followed them, another said they heard ghostly voices and screams. It was confusing. From the other end of the house, I heard a woman bellow that a window was still open and I instantly peeked through a curtain as the sun finally fell behind the horizon. I bolted toward the woman’s shrill voice and found a bedroom window was indeed open. (Apparently whatever the night did bring, it could not waltz into a place when all entrances were barred.) I yanked and yanked on the window to get it to close because I only had seconds. But I couldn’t get it and an apparition swirled before my eyes of a dire wolf hovering outside the window. Its eyes held a faint green glow and instead of fright, an unspeakable amount of anger welled up inside as we glared at each other. It lunged for me and I met it head on as I tried to grab its head. I miscalculated and its jaws snapped around my arm as I yelped in pain. At some point I guess the woman left the room because a coppery skinned man came running into the room and grimaced as he told me that I wasn’t strong enough yet. He literally drew the apparition wolf away from me and flung it outside of the window like it had been a puff of wind. I swiftly closed and locked the window. I gingerly looked down my arm expecting a scene of much gore to go with my pain. To my shock, the skin wasn’t even punctured and there was no real pain after all. I looked at the mysterious man after my revelation. He simply smiled and left me there alone. Feeling braver, I gazed out of the window and saw the ghostly wolf floating outside the window. I let my eyes burn deep into its own, hoping it would know that I wasn’t afraid anymore. I drew the curtain without another thought of the wolf and laid down on the bed in the room. I closed my eyes.

And the final time I opened my eyes, I was opening the door to this secluded home in the woods where there was so much green and so many trees. Inside was my family who were excited and happy to see me. Andy was with them too. All of their worry erupted into smiles and hugs. After I shut the door, I noticed the sun had began its descent but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t afraid of the dark anymore and it had been a long journey.

xXx

Now how’s that for an odd dream? Maybe it wasn’t a stereotypical nightmare but I didn’t rest an ounce last night. I generally don’t like discussing my vivid dreams because they are always on the surreal. The really bad ones I try to forget.

*Photo courtesy of D.Hanton 2008 (Me!)

The Forlorn Maiden

2008-09-15T21:19:00.008-04:00

(Picture taken @ Mt. Olivet Cemetary by D. Hanton)

I am reminded of Edgar Allan Poe's "Annabel Lee" when I look at this picture. I've been soaking up the creativity lately and it's fantastic. Now if I can keep that pesky muse around a bit longer, I can transcribe the dream I had the other night into a short story/dark fairy tale.

Entropy

2008-09-13T19:28:00.007-04:00

(Picture taken @ Mt. Olivet Cemetary, D. Hanton)

"A kindest heart which always made me ashamed of my own.
She walks alone but not without her name.
Eva flies away, dreams the world far away.
In this cruel children's game, there's no friend to call her name.

Eva sails away, dreams the world far away
The Good in her will be my sunflower field."

-T. Holopainen, Nightwish, "Eva"

Meme Goodness

2008-09-10T21:22:00.000-04:00

I don't like to clutter my blogs with memes but this one was just too fun to pass up. I borrowed it from the ever insightful, wise, and awesome K over at KFarmer. No, I've never personally conversed with her but I'm so lamely shy anyway, I just heap much deserved praise on her short stories. The meme works like this:

Answer these questions using a song title from a single artist…

My Artist: Nightwish

1. Are you a male or female?
The Siren

2. Describe yourself:
Dark Chest of Wonders

3. How do you feel about yourself?
Dead To The World

4. Describe where you currently are:
Meadows of Heaven

5. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Sahara

6. Your best friend is:
Wishmaster

7. Your favorite color is:
White Night Fantasy

8. You know that:
Cadence of Her Last Breath

9. What’s the weather like?
Sleeping Sun

10. If your life was a television show, what would it be called?
Seven Days To The Wolves

11. What is life to you?
Everdream

12. What is the best advice you have to give?
Live To Tell The Tale

13. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Amaranth

For Whom The Bell Tolls

2008-09-04T19:10:00.000-04:00

I read something extraordinary today. And though I find F. Scott Fitzgerald to be a little too preachy and self righteous when it comes to the themes of his books, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was a glorious yet tragic tale. It presents life as we know it but aging in reverse and the ripple effect that has on the world around Benjamin. It showcases perfectly the difficulties one has at the beginning and end of life. It seems that neither one is really different; and it’s the adventures you have in between that make you feel like you’re apart of the cosmic scheme of life. It is the only time where you seem to be in step with everybody else, no matter how monotonous or incredible the path is.

As the tale is spun, you’re lead through all of Benjamin’s triumphs and failures. Somehow he managed to not think himself above everybody else with his peculiar condition, rather it made him uncomfortable to get younger while everybody around him got older. For example, he was truly distressed when he noticed his wife was nearly forty and he a man no older then twenty. His curious condition not only effected him physically but it also shaped him psychologically to have the temperament of a flirtatious young man despite the fact he was nearing forty years old, for example. Naturally he fell out of love with his wife and grew tired of the complacent life people of her age liked to enjoy when you’re at the cusp of your autumn years.

It also gave the reader a bird's eye view of just how cruel the ones who are supposed to love you can be. Be it out of fear, spite, or complete ignorance, it was still unacceptable in my eyes. It wasn't Benjamin's decision to be born a decrepit man of seventy and march backwards in time. Yet his father, son, and wife eventually would accuse him of intentionally existing that way just because he wanted to be different or stubborn. Someone would say he lead a grand existence when he finally hit the young, virile period of his life for instance, as he enlisted into the army and participated in the Spanish American War. However with each passing year, he'd lose as much as he had gained. As an "older" man, he was a business genius who become very wealthy and quickly made the family business a success. All he accomplished when he was the wizened young man of forty of fifty waned as he morphed into an ancient youngster and drifted to the shadows of his mind till the very end.

All very strange and curious indeed.

Fantastic Voyage

2008-09-02T19:33:00.001-04:00

I had a fantastic weekend leading up to Labor Day. Andy and I went to Philadelphia courtesy of my discount skillz at the Courtyard Philadelphia Downtown. I've been counting down to this weekend because I was in such a need of a refresh after July. I left work early Friday morning, stressing out immensely because I hadn't even packed yet and we were on a slightly tight schedule to see a concert that very evening in the city. After my initial spazzfest of tossing crap into the bag, we finally departed. Of course, traffic got sluggish near the Delaware border. My goal was for us to arrive at the hotel around for so we'd have enough time to grab proper dinner before heading to see Nightwish at our favorite Philly venue The Trocadero Theater.

The venue was SWAMPED with people too! The line was relatively long by the time we got there and we still had an hour before the doors opened. It was insane. The funny thing is we managed to sit near the SAME married couple we met at their previous show at The Troc last October. (And that lady can still screech like a banshee, wow.) The show this year was a supreme improvement. (Not that last year's was awful but, their new vocalist was still a bit insecure about filling such big shoes of the former diva from the pit of Hades that used to sing for the band. And the Opening band left something to be desired.) Sonata Arctica opened for them and immediately they set the mood for an awesome night.

Hoarse and tired, we managed to make it back to the hotel in one piece. On Saturday, we slept in and hauled ourselves out of bed to hit The Philadelphia Museum of Art. I was amazed by all the wonderful exihibits they had and on such a scale. In my opinion, it puts the Smithsonian brands to shame when it comes to the content and display. I believe Andy really enjoyed seeing their wing of European Art from 1100 - 1500. It was a bit macabre with so many religious portraits bearing Christ's crucifixtion but I suppose a devout Catholic would have been right at home. Though there was this one pair of portraits that struck our fancy more then the others. This was a pair of paintings. On the right, painting lovingly and with excruciating emotion was Jesus Christ hanging upon his wooden cross. Instead of the usual complacent, creepy android expression most artists give him, he bore a sorrowful and pained countenance. His eyes were clenched shut, his head bowed slightly as the life ebbed from his limbs. The portrait on the left, bore Mary and Joseph. Mary wasn't reflected as some immaculate, all knowing mother of inhuman serenity like she is depicted in a lot of imagery. Rather she was prostrate with grief on one knee with her pale robes billowing around her as she clasped her hands in desperate prayer. The expression on her olive face was one of helplessness and an agony of a mother watching her son die. Trying to cradle and console her from behind, was Joseph. His face was turned toward his struggling wife but you could see that he was weary himself.

I was awed by all the Monet paintings and incredible asian art galleries myself. I highly recommend it to anybody whom will be in the area or is planning to visit. After the afternoon there, my super husband took us to see Spamalot at the Academy of Music. This was our first time at a Broadway styled musical/play with professional thespians. It was the North American Tour and coincedentally it was closing in Philly this past weekend so I'm glad Andy is so brilliant. And the show was as funny and as fantastic as the reviews suggest. It takes the funniest bits of the film then its stirred up with some absurd songs and equally absurd humor.

Finally on Sunday, we attended the Adventure Aquarium in Camden, NJ. Eh, that was one of the more blah aquariums I've ever been too. Even the one in Tampa, FL was superior. (I will always heart the National Aquarium in Baltimore above all else though.) While Adventure did have hippos, most of the exihibits felt like filler. There was no spirit of conservation. It seemed to be all about making you spend lots of money at the gift shop and their huge cafeteria. Oh and did I mention this fairly new and nice aquarium is in the ghetto? Seriously, you drive a couple of blocks and suddenly you are surrounded by boarded up, spray painted projects and vacant lots. And why is there always a liqour store on the corner in ghettos??

All in all, it was great. I definitely would like to go back to Philly though in the future. Maybe next time we could actually visit Dan and his adorable family. And hey, I finished the rest of Eclipse on the road trip and sleepless nights in the hotel room. So this weekend was full of win.

Birthday

2008-09-01T15:59:00.001-04:00

It's not a happy birthday today for someone I loved. It's just another cold reminder that he's gone. My grandfather would have been 75 years old. Part me wishes he would still be here for some more birthdays yet I don't think I could bear to see him suffer anymore. The emptiness and guilt do not go away so easily, you know?

Happy Birthday, Pap.
Sept. 1, 1933 - Aug. 4, 2008

Laundry List

2008-08-26T09:09:00.000-04:00

I had a revelation yesterday. I was never the sort of person who felt a need for a dayplanner or organizer however now it seems like a moral imperative. It's not that I have a hectic social schedule, well sometimes I do but the point is I plan a lot of projects and get scatter-brained in the process. I end up with a list of things that either never get done or fail to get done in a timely manner. So...

BEHOLD! The mighty list of project-mania and to do's!

1. ~~Order the Sushi Erasers for the Shadowbox.~~ Also, compile other materials for optimum craftiness.

2. Start and complete Sushi Shadowbox.

3. Take negative of Andy's film to get Jellyfish picture printed as an 8x10. Or bigger if possible.

4. Have Jellyfish picture matted and framed. This must be completed by the end of September.

5. Hang the asian plates in the dining room.

6. Finish the Geisha cross-stitch.

7. Buy tickets (?*) to see Windsor For The Derby at the Black Cat in DC for Sept. 7th. I haven't seen Dan and Anna in forever anyway. Not to mention I've never met their uber cute little girl, Ruthie. We had planned on seeing the family this weekend in Philadelphia but unfortunately they are touring. Silly me, I had forgotten they were going to be in Europe for a leg of their tour. You'd think I'd keep better tabs on my relatives.The show was cancelled. I'm gonna email Dan to see if everything is okay..

8. ~~Choose appropriate concert attire for Friday night. (Woohoo Nightwish!) And er, pack what is needed for the weekend in Philly on Thursday evening.~~

9. ~~Erm, figure out where and when we're going to do stuff in Philly this weekend.~~

?* We still haven't decided if that is what we're doing yet. I want to but the show is on a Sunday night and Any will most likely have class the next day. I don't work till the afternoon that day so it didn't matter to me.

In closing, I'll leave you with a video of one of WFTD's songs from their album We Fight Til Death called "Empathy For People Unknown".

Willkommen!

2008-08-24T14:47:00.000-04:00

Since I am entertaining Daishi today, here's a quickie. I am completely in love with broadway musicals at the moment. This is from the revival of Cabaret in 1998 with the superbly talented Alan Cumming doing the honors as the Emcee/Master of Ceremonies. I plan on picking up this recording with my next spot of splurge monies.

How I Love Thee

2008-08-20T08:36:00.000-04:00

Netflix has easily become one of Andy and I's best monthly expenditures. It's much more cost and time efficient for the both of us versus an investment into digital cable. I know for a fact that my parents' digital cable package runs $77 a month and that is without premium movie channels. My parents spend a considerable amount of their free time in front of the old boob tube, not always watching something they like but essentially using it is a time suck because they are otherwise bored. I think that mostly applies to my mother though. But I digress! Andy and I don't watch TV for the sake of it and mutually believe that most programs on today aren't very good. (Did I mention that we really dislike reality shows?) The TV shows we do like are on DVD though so then we can watch them at our leisure.

I've set up my queue to alternate between movies and a TV show. In fact, I just mailed back Disc 1 of the 2005 refresh of Doctor Who Season 1. (Which by the way is fantastic. I've seen it before but Andy hasn't so I wanted to share it with him.) I get so excited when I look in the mail; it's like I'm bloody 5 years old! I'm pretty content with Netflix so my husband rules for coming with the idea to do it. I still buy DVDs but it is only of stuff I absolutely want to keep and/or can afford. For instance, I indulged my inner 80's child and purchased Wargames a few weeks ago. That same week, a limited release to the theaters had finally come out in DVD and I've been absolutely desperate for it. I admit I am unabashedly in love with James McAvoy and adore Christina Ricci so Penelope had to be mine. And Netflix tells me Bruce Almighty is shipping today! Andy hasn't seen that either and that is one of few Jim Carrey flicks that I thoroughly enjoy.

Either way, date night with my dear hubby tomorrow will not be boring since we have plenty of variety and choices. "Date Night" begins when I get off work tomorrow and we head to Macaroni Grill for dinner. Then we go home to curl up in front of a movie. While it may not seem like much, any quality time I get to spend with Andy has been keeping my mood light and warm since the rush of banality that has occurred over the last several weeks. Maybe next time we should have a Date Night with video gaming madness!

Crafty Deeds #1

2008-08-16T13:05:00.000-04:00

My latest crafty scheme is to construct a shadowbox for the kitchen. I've decided on an asian theme; specifically japanese or chinese. My main inspiration came from the accidental discovery of these japanese erasers. Namely it was the sushi set that caught my eye proper. It was so disgustingly cute and the size is perfect for my 5 x 7 shadowbox. The background of the shadowbox is black too but I was thinking of adding some fabric elements. For some bit of extra flare, I'm searching through doll miniatures for things like flowers, fans, etc.

Andy has reservations about my project but he just doesn't have my vision of it! It will be glorious!